arklaycounty | i want to ruin our friendship / we should be lovers instead

i want to ruin our friendship / we should be lovers instead

[ Everything felt brighter, a little louder, blended at the edges, but not in a way the seventeen-year-old William Birkin minded. It was just nice. He wasn't even one for drinking—people had had parties at the executive training school, obviously; most of them were a handful of years older than himself and Al were, more than half of their classmates legally able to drink. But wine imbibed at a research conference was decidedly different in tone and dignity than jungle juice consumed on the floor of someone's dorm room in the middle of the Colorado woods. The latter Will had no interest in; the prior, he took part in now.

He'd spent most of the evening playing nice, interacting with people whose names he needed to know. People whom he wanted to know his name. William Birkin, child prodigy, Umbrella's youngest hire. Hours of this, the kind of thing he usually had no interest in, though he was at least able to spend a good portion of the time discussing their work.

Eventually things began to wind down; people started heading back up to their rooms or to the outside hotels they were staying at by way of the parking lot. They, fortunately, had a room on the third floor, neighboring that of Dr. Marcus and a few others. Umbrella had spared no expense. William looked around, finally caught sight of the slightly taller figure of Al Wesker, friend, colleague, temporary roommate for the duration of the trip. He waved a hand to catch his attention, trotted over.

Al looked... nice tonight, even moreso than usual. He couldn't say he'd ever seen him looking anything other than good, save for back when every little thing he did was infuriating, but he looked especially charming and clean-cut when he put more than the usual effort in, as he apparently had this evening. Formalwear suited him, as did the fluorescent-bulb chandelier lighting in the ballroom they were holding this event in. There wasn't much that didn't suit him, William had quickly learned.

The warmth of the usual inconvenient nervous energy blossomed in his chest as they regrouped, but he brushed it off, for the most part. It was easier, he found, in a vaguely intoxicated state. ]

Ready to go back up to the room?

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[ William's chest warmed at the thought, filling with a secret glee. It meant nothing, it was just hypothetical, but... even having this conversation was closer than he'd ever come to verbalizing his true feelings, and the rush was every bit as intoxicating as the wine they'd both had earlier. ]

Yeah, we would, wouldn't we? The two smartest recruits in our class. People would be jealous of me, though.

[ While William had never harbored particularly low self-esteem, he was aware of the fact that of the two of them, Albert was seen as far more of a catch. People weren't exactly throwing themselves at William Birkin. ]

[ It was interesting that there was no strong objection to this in Albert's mind. He actually thought that William would be... a very fitting partner for him, if they were so inclined. An effect of the alcohol, or something more significant?

At least they were still speaking in a hypothetical sense. ]

They could be jealous all they liked. You're highly intelligent and attractive—perfectly suited for someone like me.

[ Me?

If there was any ambiguity as to whether or not William was blushing earlier, it was gone to the wayside now, the pale skin across his nose flushed beneath its dappling of barely-there freckles. Who the hell just said stuff like that?

'Perfectly suited for someone like me.'

His stomach flipped. It felt like a dream, hearing Al brazenly say that, no matter how much he tried to remind himself that they were talking in the hypothetical, here. But the fact that Al thought he was attractive wasn't. ]

You think? I mean—you too. Obviously. You're the only person I've ever known who was as smart as me aside from Marcus.

[ Whether they were speaking hypothetically or not—which he wasn't entirely sure of anymore—William deserved to know that he was attractive. Albert may have gotten all the attention, but that didn't mean that Will wasn't very good looking himself. ]

Not many people of any age can compete with our intelligence.

[ He agreed that they were equals in that. It must have been the alcohol that urged him to continue, even though he wasn't sure what this conversation was anymore. ]

And you are very handsome, Will. Don't ever let anyone make you think otherwise.

[ William swallowed, between the warm buzz of intoxication and the words he was hearing feeling almost as though he was in a dreamlike state. Why would Wesker make a special point of saying that?

—probably because he thinks you feel jealous or something, the voice of reason reminded him, but it did little to stem the excitement of the moment. Even if it didn't turn into anything other than sitting on their respective beds calling each other good-looking, it was still a thrill. He wished he was the one who had swiped one last glass of wine. ]

Thanks. You too. ...You mean that?

[ Not so much a question of whether he was being genuine—William trusted that he was—as a question of whether or not that was his opinion or a general observation on the standards of others, one of which held a lot more weight than the other. He couldn't just... ask that, though. It'd sound too invested, because it was. ]

[ At this point, Albert had all but forgotten the wine was there. He was more invested in this conversation than he had expected to be. It was proving to be interesting, though his own tongue had gotten a bit looser than he usually allowed. ]

Of course I do. I suppose I can't speak for anyone else, but as far as I'm concerned you are.

[ And, as far as he was concerned, he was objectively right about this. There was no argument that would convince him he wasn't. ]

[ As far as he was concerned. Speaking for himself, the only person whose opinion meant anything where this matter was involved. William hadn't realized his face could feel any hotter than it already did.

Don't get too excited. It doesn't mean anything. Don't say something stupid and fuck up the whole friendship. You're drunk. ]

That's nice of you. [ 'That's nice of you'? Seriously? ] ...Kind of a shame we aren't men who are into other men, you know?

[ He was hardly plastered—but it was the kind of thing William knew he wouldn't say completely sober, either. Even faintly intoxicated as he was, he wouldn't dare say such a thing to most of Colorado's populace, but Al was different. He was Al. ]

We could have it all figured out at sixteen. Eighteen.

[ William's blush had gotten significantly more obvious, which practically confirmed for Albert that this conversation wasn't hypothetical at all. His friend did find him attractive and did seem to want there to be something between them.

Albert was still conflicted. It was probably something that would take a while for him to sort out, but he certainly liked William. And Will wasn't just attractive. He was actually pretty hot.

Did I really just think that? ]

A shame. Yes, it certainly is.

[ Don't ask. Don't ask. Don't ask. ]

This isn't just a hypothetical conversation, is it?

[ You idiot. ]

[ All at once, a trap door seemed to open beneath him, jarring him out of the bliss of the moment. Of course this question was bound to come up after that kind of talk; he was stupid for not having anticipated this. William's heart raced; his hands felt clammy.

It wasn't clear what the right answer was, but even silence would be a definitive answer to this kind of question. He had to say something. Al had been the one who said they'd make quite a couple. That had made a point out of telling him he was attractive. It wasn't like there wasn't a very well-established precedent here, if things all went to shit. He'd have something he could point to.

A shallow, nervous laugh. ]

I mean... Do you want it to not be hypothetical?

[ That was a good question—one that he didn't really know the answer to. If it wasn't then he was certainly flattered, and there were reciprocated feelings. Albert just wasn't sure what that meant.

He had to give an answer, but he didn't want to get his friend's hopes up for something that might not work out. So he did the next best thing, and assured Will that what they already had was safe. ]

Our friendship won't be hurt if it isn't.

[ 'Our friendship won't be hurt if it isn't' wasn't exactly a 'Yes, I want this to be a genuine conversation', or even a 'Yes, I like you'—just a reassurance. It felt very much, if anything, like an attempt to blunt a rejection into something slightly more palatable.

William did his best to shove the feelings of disappointment to the side, but the fading glow of the wine had a funny way of amplifying them: he was still buzzed, yes, but in a way that felt terribly solitary. ]

Then I don't know. Maybe.

[ Maybe the whole you're very handsome, Will thing had been an attempt to assure him he'd find someone who wasn't Al—maybe he'd seen right through him from the beginning. ]

I've never thought about it much.

[ A lie. ]

[ Albert could practically feel the hurt radiating from Will after what he'd said. Hurting his friend hadn't been his intention at all, and Albert felt something that was very foreign to him as a result. Guilt.

He looked down at his hands in his lap, quiet for a moment as he thought. Unless he'd read this entirely wrong, Will did have feelings for him. Maybe it would be better for him to be a little more honest.

It was a good thing he'd been drinking, or this would have been impossible for him to say. He took a deep breath, exhaled slowly. ]

I do like you, Will. I meant it when I said you're handsome, and I meant it when I said we'd make quite a couple. I just... haven't quite figured out my sexuality yet.

[ It sounded so stupid when he heard himself say it out loud. Who had a hard time figuring out their own sexuality? That should have been easy, shouldn't it? ]

[ This was, for all of the prior discussion, not a conversation William felt particularly ready or qualified to have, where it concerned himself or his friend. Or anyone. The warmth returned to his face, or maybe it had never left and he'd simply gotten used to it.

But there was also an admission there, even if Wesker seemingly didn't know how to identify the feelings. He meant what he'd said. That much wasn't rhetorical and wasn't just a compliment between two guys. ]

That's okay, I'm not... That's not what I'm after. [ He ran a hand through his long forelock of dishwater blond hair. ] I'm not trying to... to date you or something. I just thought you look nice.

[ He nodded an acknowledgment, still feeling pretty stupid about the whole thing. Albert was so sure of himself in every other way that it just felt weird to be confused about something like this. It was a feeling he didn't care for at all.

At least William seemed okay with it. He wasn't pressing the issue, even though Albert suspected there was more to this. It wasn't something he was ready to talk about in any detail. There was a lot for him to think about. ]

So do you.

[ And in an attempt to lighten the mood just a bit... ]

Even when you refuse to wear your tie properly.

I am wearing it properly. Or was.

[ It was a welcome move away from the topic at hand, but that didn't do anything to sweep Al's prior words from William's mind. He'd regret this in the morning, he was sure of it. ]

It's a tie, Will, not a noose. Here...

[ He located William's discarded tie and got up to get it, then went to his friend and sat down next to him, slipping it back over his head. ]

If it's uncomfortable, you're wearing it too tight.

[ Albert gently tightened the knot, pulling it closer to William's neck, but not close enough to be uncomfortable. He took the time to adjust it so it met his standards, eyes intent on the task at hand. ]

[ It was precisely the kind of closeness William expected him to stray away from for a while after this... but instead here was Al tying his tie, his strong hands brushing against his throat, his face so close Birkin could smell the merlot lingering on his breath. He seemed completely absorbed in his task, as though entirely unaware of the racing of his friend's heart and the sudden shortness of breath that had nothing to do with the return of the tie.

God, he was gorgeous. It wasn't fair for somebody that good-looking to be possibly straight. He swallowed dryly, meeting his eyes when he looked up. ]

Yeah, that's... that's better, I guess.

[ The closeness and relative intimacy of the moment didn't really strike Albert until after he was finished. His friend's tie looked nice without being too restrictive, but that wasn't what he was focused on anymore. William's hair was a bit of a mess again, framing his face in a way that Albert couldn't help finding very... sexy? He wasn't sure if that was the right word, but it was certainly appealing.

Suddenly his heart was beating faster, and he didn't think the warmth he felt was entirely the alcohol anymore. His fingers lingered on the side of William's neck. The contact was nice. ]

See? It doesn't have to be medieval torture.

[ His voice was softer, just above a whisper. ]

[ Albert quieted, as though he, too, had picked up on the sudden tonal shift the conversation had taken. His hand lingered against William's neck despite the lack of any real excuse, sending a thrill through him—it was the sort of thing people did immediately before they kissed.

Not that he was deluded enough to expect that, or bold enough to attempt it. After the conversation they'd just had, it was clear that if anything were to happen between him and Al, it would need to be initiated by Wesker, not him. But there was a small, hopeful part of him, deep in the recesses of his brain, that wondered if that was what this might be.

His eyes flitted down to his friend's mouth, very briefly, then met his again. He answered absentmindedly, no longer occupied by what was being said. ]

I still think they're inconvenient.

[ Their conversation had made him think about it, and he'd be lying if he said he wasn't curious. Would kissing William bring on the same subtle thrill that kissing a woman brought? If it did, what else might feel just as good with Birkin?

William's quick glance at his lips didn't go unnoticed, so it seemed likely that a kiss would be welcomed or at least accepted.

Albert leaned in slowly, with some uncertainty. His breath was warm against Will's skin as he came closer to brushing his lips against his friend's—so close he could practically feel it.

The sudden loud pounding on their door startled Albert so badly he nearly fell off the bed as he jerked himself away. ]

Quiet down and go to sleep! Both of you!

[ It was Dr. Marcus. He must have been able to hear them through the wall. Wesker hoped he'd only been able to hear the vague sound of voices and not what was said.

Jesus Christ. His heart was pounding. ]

[ It was happening. It was really, actually happening outside of his own thoughts. Albert was going to kiss him. William leaned in, heart beating out of his chest—

and then the banging on the door. His friend's reaction was mirrored across the invisible axis between them with every bit as much movement, both of Birkin's arms raised and stiff in half-defense at the sudden scare. ]

Shit!

[ Not an exclamation at what he may or may not have overheard so much as a kneejerk response to being startled so badly. A moment later, in a more projected (and respectable) voice: ]

Yes, Doctor. Sorry.

[ There was no reply. Apparently Marcus was content to leave them after that brief message. ...to leave them to this, the shambles of a perfect moment they couldn't replicate. It had passed.

Apparently it was possible to feel more awkward than he had a few minutes ago when Al expressed his uncertainty, because he was fairly sure he had never felt as uncomfortable in his life as he did in this moment. William swallowed, opting to bite the bullet and make fleeting eye contact. It would all feel weirder if he didn't, but if he acted like this wasn't a big deal, it wouldn't be. ]

He's right, we should probably... I have to get up on stage tomorrow.

[ At first Wesker was annoyed with the intrusion. Even if they were somehow keeping him awake, that was incredibly unnecessary. Marcus had just scared the shit out of both of them and unknowingly ruined what could have been a very nice kiss.

He huffed in the direction of the door, but his irritation was soon overshadowed by the awkwardness of the situation. Albert was still on William's bed. The moment had passed, leaving him feeling... Well, he wasn't sure how he felt about it, honestly.

Albert nodded and hastily got up, barely making eye contact. ]

Yes. Good night, Will.

[ Changing would make the situation even weirder, so he just took his shoes off next to his bed, pulled the covers back and crawled in fully dressed, tie and all. He lay on his side facing the door. Maybe Will wouldn't notice how long he was lying there awake that way. ]

[ Al... went to bed with his clothes on, even his tie. William almost commented, almost told him to at least take that off so he didn't strangle himself... but didn't. It stung, a bit—what, like he couldn't take off his clothes in front of his own best friend? Just because he liked guys, liked him?

(Though, granted, it wasn't as though Al didn't also apparently like guys, or so William felt fairly comfortable assuming after what just almost happened. Goddamn Marcus.) ]

Night, Al.

[ And, as fate would have it, Will didn't change out of his street clothes either, because it'd be weird if he did and Albert didn't, so he just... crawled under the covers in his uncomfortable-ass buttondown, though he did loosen the tie Wesker had just done up, his hand lingering for a moment where his friend's had been before he pulled it down, and slip it over his head.

He lay staring at the ceiling in the half-darkness of a hotel room that never gets totally dark, acutely aware of the fact that Al wasn't asleep through what could probably only be described in the least scientific of terms as some kind of sixth sense. Please, God, don't let this be weird tomorrow morning.

It had almost been so nice, and now... it was decidedly not that. Maybe the friendship would be alright. Al had said that it wouldn't change things between them if his feelings were genuine, but... that was before they almost kissed. Before Al had contributed.

Eventually, somehow, sleep found him, and shortly thereafter so too did the shrill tone of the bedside alarm clock. William groaned and sat up stiffly, spending a split second unbothered before... everything came back to him. Motherfucker. Hate you, St. Louis. He wasn't even that drunk.

Birkin sighed and walked to the other side of the room to grab one of the dress shirts hanging in the built-in closet; he changed briskly but not too much so—not like he was afraid of Wesker seeing him without his shirt, and he'd be damned if he contributed to things getting any weirder. He just had to act like everything was normal. ]

Al. Get up.

[ Thoughts of their conversation and almost-kiss swirled in his mind until finally, after what seemed like hours, Albert drifted off to sleep.

Al. Get up.

It seemed like he had just dozed off when he heard William's voice urging him out of bed. At first, he just groaned and rolled over. He had a bit of a headache—not pounding, but just enough to be a nuisance.

At least he felt better about the previous night though. The awkwardness that had felt so overwhelming then was like a distant memory now. William was his best friend—his only friend. It would take a lot to damage that for Wesker.

He mumbled into his pillow. ]

What time is it?

[ William, still in the same black dress socks from the previous evening, padded over to look at the console between the beds, fastening the buttons on his shirt as he walked. ]

6:40.

[ And they needed to be downstairs by seven to eat, then whatever briefing Dr. Marcus had planned, then things would start at eight. They'd be busy probably until the late hours like they were today—perfect. It left minimal room for either of them to stew in the awkwardness of what happened last night. William paused for a brief moment. ]

Want some water?

[ He felt fine, but Al had a bit more than he did, and judging by the sound of his voice, he was probably a little hung over. ]

i want to ruin our friendship / we should be lovers instead

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