arklaycounty | i want to ruin our friendship / we should be lovers instead

i want to ruin our friendship / we should be lovers instead

[ Everything felt brighter, a little louder, blended at the edges, but not in a way the seventeen-year-old William Birkin minded. It was just nice. He wasn't even one for drinking—people had had parties at the executive training school, obviously; most of them were a handful of years older than himself and Al were, more than half of their classmates legally able to drink. But wine imbibed at a research conference was decidedly different in tone and dignity than jungle juice consumed on the floor of someone's dorm room in the middle of the Colorado woods. The latter Will had no interest in; the prior, he took part in now.

He'd spent most of the evening playing nice, interacting with people whose names he needed to know. People whom he wanted to know his name. William Birkin, child prodigy, Umbrella's youngest hire. Hours of this, the kind of thing he usually had no interest in, though he was at least able to spend a good portion of the time discussing their work.

Eventually things began to wind down; people started heading back up to their rooms or to the outside hotels they were staying at by way of the parking lot. They, fortunately, had a room on the third floor, neighboring that of Dr. Marcus and a few others. Umbrella had spared no expense. William looked around, finally caught sight of the slightly taller figure of Al Wesker, friend, colleague, temporary roommate for the duration of the trip. He waved a hand to catch his attention, trotted over.

Al looked... nice tonight, even moreso than usual. He couldn't say he'd ever seen him looking anything other than good, save for back when every little thing he did was infuriating, but he looked especially charming and clean-cut when he put more than the usual effort in, as he apparently had this evening. Formalwear suited him, as did the fluorescent-bulb chandelier lighting in the ballroom they were holding this event in. There wasn't much that didn't suit him, William had quickly learned.

The warmth of the usual inconvenient nervous energy blossomed in his chest as they regrouped, but he brushed it off, for the most part. It was easier, he found, in a vaguely intoxicated state. ]

Ready to go back up to the room?

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[ Wesker had tried wine before, among other alcoholic beverages, and he'd learned that he didn't care much for the cheap stuff. Nothing had to be top shelf, necessarily, but he couldn't handle the bottom of the barrel garbage that their peers bought.

He sat in a chair—crossing one leg over the other—and took a sip of the wine he'd made off with, amused by Birkin's immediate removal of his tie. Wesker left his own on, not minding it at all. One wasn't supposed to wear a tie tight enough to cause discomfort, but apparently his friend had a different idea of discomfort than he did. ]

You look good in it too, you know.

[ William had actually looked very handsome tonight. ]

Oh—thank you.

[ He hadn't thought so—or, perhaps more accurately, just hadn't cared—but William warmed at the praise, as did his cheeks, a little bit. He did his best to tamp down the little thrill at the compliment, seeing as it wasn't going to go anywhere. Albert wasn't into guys.

Still... a nice thought, that Albert's own thoughts had been occupied by the notion of him looking nice, however briefly. ]

Gracious of you. You look like... James Bond or something. The original one, not the new guy.

[ He thought he noticed a little flush in William's cheeks. An effect of the alcohol, or just the fact that his friend didn't get many compliments on his appearance? Maybe a little of both. ]

James Bond, huh? [ A moment of thought as he swirled the wine in its glass. ] I'm not quite promiscuous enough, but it's good to know I can pull the look off, at least.

[ No, he certainly wasn't promiscuous—though he easily could have been, if he wanted to. Half the people in their graduating class were throwing themselves at him, and a couple of the younger women here at the conference, too. And the night shift clerk at the front desk of this very hotel. His relative lack of interest in them suited William just fine—there wasn't any hope for the two of them, obviously, but at least he didn't have to watch his best friend date some woman. For now, at least. Eventually he'd undoubtedly find a girl. ]

You totally can. And do. It's that... well put together attractive guy thing. [ Then it occurred to him—something he didn't want to ask, but suddenly desperately needed to know. ] You probably have the hottest girlfriend back home.

[ They'd probably talked about this before, when they were more sober, given how close they were. But William felt it needed to be asked again. ]

[ All the interest he received from women—and some men—didn't bother him. If he found the women attractive as well he might even flirt a little, but Wesker had no interest in anything beyond that with most. He certainly wasn't going to hook up at a conference, even though he was sure he could have.

He canted his head to the side at William's remark about a girlfriend. ]

I don't have a girlfriend, Will. Or any prospective ones, for that matter. There's plenty of interest in me, but it isn't reciprocated.

[ Way to rub it in, even if he probably didn't mean to. He'd have to know to do so deliberately... but the reminder stung regardless, even on the heels of the good news that there wasn't a girlfriend for him to secretly resent. Birkin sat down on the foot of his bed, which had remained unmade, then flopped onto his back. Room service hadn't been allowed in, of course—locked though their briefcases were, it was just too risky to let strangers into a room where these kinds of notes were being stored, not all of it for public use—and William sure as shit wasn't going to waste his time making his bed. ]

I've noticed. ...I think we all have. Not that you don't deserve it.

[ William seemed somehow disappointed by his response, and Wesker couldn't imagine why. Was he upset that his friend got so much attention while he didn't? A few of the other guys were certainly jealous of it, but that seemed unlike William.

Having temporarily lost interest in his wine, Wesker set the glass aside on the table next to him and got to his feet. He sat down again on the foot of his own immaculately made bed, looking over at his friend thoughtfully. ]

Is something wrong?

[ It was better not to make any assumptions here. Maybe he was misinterpreting, but if something was bothering him, he hoped William would say so. ]

What?

[ William blinked owlishly, recalibrating for a moment. ]

Not at all. [ Mostly true. ] I'm just saying we've all noticed how much attention you get from women. I'd probably be into you if I were a girl, too. You're good-looking and smart and funny. Everyone likes that. Enjoy it.

[ Funny was a trait he'd never heard ascribed to him before. Wesker had a rather dry sense of humor that not everyone could appreciate. What stuck out more was what William had said before that though.

I'd probably be into you if I were a girl, too.

That gave him a strange feeling—something he couldn't quite place just then. Conflicting. ]

You... are aware that men can be interested in men, right?

Obviously.

[ A little too close to the nerve, there. ]

I'm not a homosexual. But I'm just saying if I were a girl and I was still attracted to the opposite sex, like, you'd probably be my type. You're everyone's type.

[ Or so it seemed. Blond-haired, blue-eyed American boy with a cheekbones like John Wayne. He couldn't imagine someone finding that unattractive. ]

Take the compliment, Al.

[ Well, that saved him from having to think too far into this, he supposed. It was just a hypothetical. Though he didn't think his friend was right about him being everyone's type, even if he did get attention from a lot of people. ]

All right. I do appreciate the compliment.

[ He wasn't sure if he should offer a compliment in return, or if it would seem empty. In his opinion, William was also attractive. Not quite James Bond, but he didn't need to be.

Instead of saying anything else, he opted to remain silent. ]

You should.

[ William, too, lapsed into silence for a few moments, staring at the stippling in the paint on the ceiling, content in the warm hum of alcohol lingering in his veins. And then, emboldened by such, he sat up, regarded Al with his head cocked to one side. ]

I would date you if I did like men, though. ...If you did. You're my best friend.

[ So much for not having to think too much into this. Wesker had never expressed any interest in men, but honestly, he was conflicted about it. While he had a definite preference for women, there were times when he wondered if he may have had an interest in men too.

This wasn't something he was sure he was ready to confront, especially not while mildly intoxicated. Yet he couldn't help thinking that William had looked very handsome tonight—still did, even without the tie. ]

If we did like men... we'd make quite a couple.

[ A noncommittal answer, ambiguous enough to avoid really addressing the topic while still giving away a hint of his doubt. ]

[ William's chest warmed at the thought, filling with a secret glee. It meant nothing, it was just hypothetical, but... even having this conversation was closer than he'd ever come to verbalizing his true feelings, and the rush was every bit as intoxicating as the wine they'd both had earlier. ]

Yeah, we would, wouldn't we? The two smartest recruits in our class. People would be jealous of me, though.

[ While William had never harbored particularly low self-esteem, he was aware of the fact that of the two of them, Albert was seen as far more of a catch. People weren't exactly throwing themselves at William Birkin. ]

[ It was interesting that there was no strong objection to this in Albert's mind. He actually thought that William would be... a very fitting partner for him, if they were so inclined. An effect of the alcohol, or something more significant?

At least they were still speaking in a hypothetical sense. ]

They could be jealous all they liked. You're highly intelligent and attractive—perfectly suited for someone like me.

[ Me?

If there was any ambiguity as to whether or not William was blushing earlier, it was gone to the wayside now, the pale skin across his nose flushed beneath its dappling of barely-there freckles. Who the hell just said stuff like that?

'Perfectly suited for someone like me.'

His stomach flipped. It felt like a dream, hearing Al brazenly say that, no matter how much he tried to remind himself that they were talking in the hypothetical, here. But the fact that Al thought he was attractive wasn't. ]

You think? I mean—you too. Obviously. You're the only person I've ever known who was as smart as me aside from Marcus.

[ Whether they were speaking hypothetically or not—which he wasn't entirely sure of anymore—William deserved to know that he was attractive. Albert may have gotten all the attention, but that didn't mean that Will wasn't very good looking himself. ]

Not many people of any age can compete with our intelligence.

[ He agreed that they were equals in that. It must have been the alcohol that urged him to continue, even though he wasn't sure what this conversation was anymore. ]

And you are very handsome, Will. Don't ever let anyone make you think otherwise.

[ William swallowed, between the warm buzz of intoxication and the words he was hearing feeling almost as though he was in a dreamlike state. Why would Wesker make a special point of saying that?

—probably because he thinks you feel jealous or something, the voice of reason reminded him, but it did little to stem the excitement of the moment. Even if it didn't turn into anything other than sitting on their respective beds calling each other good-looking, it was still a thrill. He wished he was the one who had swiped one last glass of wine. ]

Thanks. You too. ...You mean that?

[ Not so much a question of whether he was being genuine—William trusted that he was—as a question of whether or not that was his opinion or a general observation on the standards of others, one of which held a lot more weight than the other. He couldn't just... ask that, though. It'd sound too invested, because it was. ]

[ At this point, Albert had all but forgotten the wine was there. He was more invested in this conversation than he had expected to be. It was proving to be interesting, though his own tongue had gotten a bit looser than he usually allowed. ]

Of course I do. I suppose I can't speak for anyone else, but as far as I'm concerned you are.

[ And, as far as he was concerned, he was objectively right about this. There was no argument that would convince him he wasn't. ]

[ As far as he was concerned. Speaking for himself, the only person whose opinion meant anything where this matter was involved. William hadn't realized his face could feel any hotter than it already did.

Don't get too excited. It doesn't mean anything. Don't say something stupid and fuck up the whole friendship. You're drunk. ]

That's nice of you. [ 'That's nice of you'? Seriously? ] ...Kind of a shame we aren't men who are into other men, you know?

[ He was hardly plastered—but it was the kind of thing William knew he wouldn't say completely sober, either. Even faintly intoxicated as he was, he wouldn't dare say such a thing to most of Colorado's populace, but Al was different. He was Al. ]

We could have it all figured out at sixteen. Eighteen.

[ William's blush had gotten significantly more obvious, which practically confirmed for Albert that this conversation wasn't hypothetical at all. His friend did find him attractive and did seem to want there to be something between them.

Albert was still conflicted. It was probably something that would take a while for him to sort out, but he certainly liked William. And Will wasn't just attractive. He was actually pretty hot.

Did I really just think that? ]

A shame. Yes, it certainly is.

[ Don't ask. Don't ask. Don't ask. ]

This isn't just a hypothetical conversation, is it?

[ You idiot. ]

[ All at once, a trap door seemed to open beneath him, jarring him out of the bliss of the moment. Of course this question was bound to come up after that kind of talk; he was stupid for not having anticipated this. William's heart raced; his hands felt clammy.

It wasn't clear what the right answer was, but even silence would be a definitive answer to this kind of question. He had to say something. Al had been the one who said they'd make quite a couple. That had made a point out of telling him he was attractive. It wasn't like there wasn't a very well-established precedent here, if things all went to shit. He'd have something he could point to.

A shallow, nervous laugh. ]

I mean... Do you want it to not be hypothetical?

[ That was a good question—one that he didn't really know the answer to. If it wasn't then he was certainly flattered, and there were reciprocated feelings. Albert just wasn't sure what that meant.

He had to give an answer, but he didn't want to get his friend's hopes up for something that might not work out. So he did the next best thing, and assured Will that what they already had was safe. ]

Our friendship won't be hurt if it isn't.

[ 'Our friendship won't be hurt if it isn't' wasn't exactly a 'Yes, I want this to be a genuine conversation', or even a 'Yes, I like you'—just a reassurance. It felt very much, if anything, like an attempt to blunt a rejection into something slightly more palatable.

William did his best to shove the feelings of disappointment to the side, but the fading glow of the wine had a funny way of amplifying them: he was still buzzed, yes, but in a way that felt terribly solitary. ]

Then I don't know. Maybe.

[ Maybe the whole you're very handsome, Will thing had been an attempt to assure him he'd find someone who wasn't Al—maybe he'd seen right through him from the beginning. ]

I've never thought about it much.

[ A lie. ]

[ Albert could practically feel the hurt radiating from Will after what he'd said. Hurting his friend hadn't been his intention at all, and Albert felt something that was very foreign to him as a result. Guilt.

He looked down at his hands in his lap, quiet for a moment as he thought. Unless he'd read this entirely wrong, Will did have feelings for him. Maybe it would be better for him to be a little more honest.

It was a good thing he'd been drinking, or this would have been impossible for him to say. He took a deep breath, exhaled slowly. ]

I do like you, Will. I meant it when I said you're handsome, and I meant it when I said we'd make quite a couple. I just... haven't quite figured out my sexuality yet.

[ It sounded so stupid when he heard himself say it out loud. Who had a hard time figuring out their own sexuality? That should have been easy, shouldn't it? ]

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